Some jokes... cracked at my workplace

{Crap: Confused I am today! Just don't know what I want to do exactly. 11.20 pm. I have been thinking a lot these days and just not getting my thoughts to work. It makes me feel a little sad. Low on concentration. My new year resolution of earning 10 lakhs apart from the salary I get looks like a sinking ship. I want to turn that ship into a submarine.}

In between my manager who is one of the best guys to work with cracked lot many worth noting jokes.

I was taking a power nap and he saw me and said...
"Tu ratri chowkidari karto ka?" ("Are you a night watchman?") I couldn't stop laughing. His sense of humor makes all of us feel very comfortable. He talks sense in his jokes. He inspires me to work a lot harder. He always points me in the right direction through his jokes. And that is what the managerial skills are all about. If you can make the front person understand what you want to say without making him feel bad then you can win the world!

One more conversation:
I had an accident a few days ago. I hit a truck which was not even moving... a standing truck!
My manager came to me and ask...
Mngr: What happened?
Me: I was not looking ahead.
mngr: So how was the girl?
Me: No...(and he interrupted...)! (If that would have been the case I wouldn't have felt that bad for hitting a standing truck!)
Mngr: No? Okay, so she was not that good! Hmm... So I should tell this to your parents?
Me: No! I wanted to say there was not any girl.
Mngr: Is that truck wala safe?
Me: Yes
Mngr: Were you wearing a helmet?
Me: No...
mngr: You should have been. It limits your vision. It's difficult to see the girl on your left or right when you are wearing a helmet. You see what is in front of you!

LOL! Lot many like these. I am just loving my work and the team. More about my team very soon. I feel, we are the best team to work with at least in my company.

-Anuprit

Post Engineering... Teen bandra Do... Story 2

This is a recent one...

We (Nishant and I) were in Mumbai.

(CRAP: Zaheer and Bhajji wrapped up test match in less than an hour on DAY 5. Sad for us.

Then for the whole day we were roaming in Mumbai. Visited Leopold and worli-bandra sea link.

Grey market and nariman point and all crap places(like JUHU which I felt is no more a beach but a Kumbh Ka Mela... worst beach I've ever seen. Mean it!) which now I have started hating.)

It was around 10 PM. We were at a station. I asked for 3 tickets at the counter for Bandra. He smiled. I didn't get that. I asked him again he was still smiling. I asked again I want 3 tickets for Bandra. Same response. I asked him why are you smiling? No reply from him. Then I realized the thing! No! We were at bandra only! Shya! Crap! I just don' know how such things happen. Yes, but it just makes things interesting. Has has k pagal ho gaye hum!

Fun! Big!

Go... Go Charlie! Go! You have to! 10 ka 76!

Did lot many things in between but didn't get time to write down. But this thing cannot get a miss! Just cannot! What a day! What a day! @ Nanoli Stud Racecourse Pune! What a day I had!

(CRAP - Okay... and yes this post which is not under the Engineering series doesn't mean that, that series has ended. Lot many things from Engineering are going to be here.)

Moving on... What happened there... It was Oktoberfest... For the first time in Pune.
So I decided to be at the place. Went there. Had got a invitational pass(Please don't ask how did I get it). As usual, didn't had anyone to accompany me. (Probably, this is because I end up doing the most silly things in the world which people don't like OR ...)
Had done enough research before going there as I didn't want to look foolish about the terms and stuff about racing.

(The Nanoli Stud Pune)

So getting on the day... 9 races were going to kick off one after another at an interval of half an hour...
I tried to analyze things for first three races. And couldn't stop myself from betting from 4th race onwards.
(A German band performing there)

4st race... Bet for 100... Lost it... My friend(whom I met at the racecourse) told me to bet on horse number 7 out of 12 horses. Lost it! My horse came 4th when I had bet PLACE(which means if my horse comes in first three places I will get some money). Sad! Jhatka!

5th race... Didn't listen to anyone and bet for PLACE again... on horse number 8th... Made it... Won some money there...

6th race...WANTED to Bet on 2nd, 4th and 9th... for PLACE but mistakenly purchased ticket for WIN... which means that I will get money only if these horses come first. I mean any one of them. Lost it!

7th race... Lost it!

8th race... Won some 10 Rs. Almost no profit no loss.

9th and the last... Was getting worried! I was in loss! Big loss! Big in the sense big for a first time betting guy.
I was in touch with my friend there, who was betting there for so many years, for almost every race! For 9th race I was feeling down with confidence. I asked him for a opinion. I knew that 8th number horse was favorite. He told me to bet on 8th only. I felt... lets do that... As I had lost my opinion under consecutive losses.

Got the ticket for 8th number horse. It's name was "Walking Tall - 8th Number." Race was about to begin. Before the race starts all the horses come in front and take a walk and then go to start place. Somehow, MERA DIL BOLA... when I saw 2nd numbered horse... Name-Generallismo... was going to WIN! Everyone around me bet for 8th number. Bets were in lakhs and thousands. But I had read in my homework...
"It's the OPINION which makes you RICH and POOR!" I decided to purchase another ticket. I decided to go with my OPINION.

Race begun... 12 horses... 1 winner...
Positions...
1st position: 4
2nd Position: 11
3rd Position: 9

Positions after some time:
1st---- 4th
2nd---- 8th
3rd---- 7th
And my horse... that is 2nd numbered - Generallismo was on 6th position before 200-300 metres to the finish line.
I was down!
Knew that I had lost it. Though I had a ticket of 8th horse too but was unhappy that I was wrong!
And there... the table broke from in between of the top and bottom! My Charlie... I called him charlie...(as GO GENERALLISMO! Go! sounds bad!) I was calling him charlie. My Charlie broke the table from in between! He was at 6th position before 200-300 metres and he finished 1st!!! Baby 1st! Charlie 1st! Hooper!!

Couldn't believe my LUCK! No one there, absolutely no one bet on him!
His rate was 10:76. I had place a WIN on him out of 12 horses. What a end to the day!
As was my first day out there had placed just 10rs. on the last bet. That was a little sad part but got 76 for that 10 rs. Worth anything(most of the ;)) in the world! What a end! Damn HAPPY I was!

So this is how... when you cheer dil se...

"khatein hai agar kisi chees ko dil se chaho toh puri kayanat use JITANE ki koshish mein lag jati hai"

And happened something similar to that. From 6th it came 1st! Was like all other horses wanted to loose! Cheers! This is what is LUCK! Aazma LUCK Aazma! Let your balls out roar! --- the outcome of the day! the day which reminded me of Kaminey! Lets see if I won big bets out of this CHOTA shortcut!
(The Winner Generallismo! My Charlie!)
(Final Positions)

(Can you see 10:76 under Horse Number 2?)
Cheers! and lots and lots of love for all of you...
Wish you Happy Diwali...

From.... Gobi's Place... Living a Reel Like Real Life...

Changing "Rangeen" life to... "Reel Like Real Life"

Lot many things going on here and I am just not able to keep track of them here.
But I just want to take this chance to write about a To Do List as I will be getting my first Pagar(inspired from Harsh... the word Pagar for Salary) tomorrow. Watched Kaminey yesterday which was in To Do List but realizing that won't be able to make it on that day, had to watch it.

To Do List:
1. Marine Drive
2. Cafe Leopold
3. Iskon at 5 AM
4. Golf
5. Chocolate Story
6. Shopping which involves getting a Big Baggy T - Shirt
7. Disc
8. Jazz By The Bay
9. Birdy's cake
10. Worli - Bandra Sea Link visit
11. Cannot mention over here.
12. Biggest of all of these but cannot write it here.

Done!
Let's see how many of these work out. There is one hurdle... which is official and will be deciding my future so need to concentrate over that too. In between realized that it's not just money but you need to know how to spend that! ;)

So this is how, I am...
Changing "Rangeen" life to... "Reel Like Real Life!"

Cheers!

@ Rav and Rags: After going to US, don't forget US!

Hello again...
(Crap! Just cut this if you are busy. I am back from a big break! The only reason being Internet Access from a place where you can blog. I did had Internet access but you just cannot blog from a cafe or a public place. Its, 10.49 AM here and I am having a great time here. Going through some confusion of which songs to listen to.)

Okay... I am clueless about what to write here. As two dear friends Rav and Rags have already left India I am remembering this day...
That was his(Rav's) day and we did it in STYHTLE... I think just a photograph is enough to get the idea of it... the idea of YELLOW Day dedicated to Ravi. And if you are from my college you should know the significance of Yellow Day when it comes to Ravi. ;) ;) This may be a censored photo but it best describes the day.
Best wishes to both Pataya RAV and Scholar RAGS...
After going to US, don't forget US! (I hope you have the brain to understand what I want to say.)

Happy Moment...

(This should be boring! I will advice you not to read. This is just to keep a note. If you want something good to read go to the previous post.) ;)
Writing this post at 4.06 A.M. just to say that I think I should be the happiest man right now in this world as I fix up some bugs,which I desperately wanted to, in a Joomla module and a component. I had a joomla component which had bugs which were introduced into it by the owners just to disappoint those who get it for free. These people provide support and fix those bugs only if you have paid for that module/component. I cannot tell you how I am feeling right now after doing something which makes me happy and just a got a chance to prove myself that I am still good at piracy. ;) The big break from computers comes to an end, finally!
Wrapping up by saying... I love Joomla!

Engineering Story 11: Get out of traffic policeman's hands for FREE!

Writing this post at 1.28 AM...
This one is about how you can get out of a traffic policeman's hands for free!! Just a trick which may or may not work. It has worked for me 2 times and failed for 3-4 times. Around 33.33% accuracy. Just to tell you that I am one of the most bothered person by traffic police. Almost everyone in CORE Pune area has caught me for different reasons and these days you can see me having informal discussions with these people, just for passing time on the signal. Really!!
Getting out of all this, I am taking you to the point...

Witness: Ankit Shah (if you know him, can confirm about this story.)

So... I was in the second year(and which was the happiest time in my life) of engineering. Ankit's parents sent his Scooty Pep over train transport from his hometown. We(Ankit and I) went to collect it at Pune station. We completed the formalities and asked them for vehicle. To our surprise, that man there asked for some extra money as he had got the vehicle down from the train to warehouse. Ankit was very kind to him and gave him some 50 - 100 bucks. Okay... Cool...

We went out walking with scooty in our hands as the petrol tank was empty which is a rule before you send it off for transportation. At the gate, the policeman stopped us. He asked us to show if the petrol tank is empty or not. He checked it out and said that it's not empty.
We started laughing at each other and (maan me bole) "Abe toh kya phokat hath me la rahe the gaddi!!"

We looked into the tank and saw that there is a very little amount of petrol in it which cannot be removed using a pump. You just cannot remove it, we said to him.

He replied, pay the fine.

I don't remember the exact amount he asked us to pay but it was out of a common man's reach. What if we didn't pay it?

Policeman: Go to court and get into the mess.

We: Hmm... Kuch ho nahi sakta? thoda kam karo na SIR!!

Policeman: Thik hain... Give me 100 rupees.

Ankit: De diye... de diye!! (Mai dekhta hi rah gaya!) (At this time I started moving my cellphone around the policeman, and made sure that he can see that, but not completely!!(you will get to know why not completely))

Policeman: Aage se aisa mat karna. (Take care from next time....Crap!!)

We took out the moped from there, UNHAPPIELY. To take out a vechile out of station we gave some 200 rupees. Aisehi!! Kasa kaay!!

I said to Ankit, "Tu ruk yahan... I will be back... (I made sure that we have travelled enough distance from station.)"

I went back to the policeman. And I read his name little loudly and said, "Hmm... Ingulkar(his surname)... I will see you!!"

Policeman: What happened?

I: Nothing. I will see you.

Policeman: Arey kya hua?

I: Nothing! You will get to know 'kya hua' very soon.

Policeman: Ae bhai bata toh...

I: I have taken video shooting of what happened here in my cell phone.(And I started walking away from there.)

Policeman: (he started following me...) SIR(he he... I was happy to hear that as we had called him SIR a few moments ago!), arey ruko toh jara! We can settle the matter.

I: Nahi it's okay! I will take care of it. (Mann me... what settle... return us the money, moron.)

I started walking very fast. To my surprise he was following me! I reached where Ankit was standing. He came there and... and... and... USNE MERE DIL KI BAAT BOL DI...

Policeman: Aapka paisa wapas lelo. Par ye tape ka kuch mat karo.

I: I was SO happy to hear this.

Ankit: Arey nahi nahi... Ye thoda garam dimag ka aadmi hain... tension mat lo aap... paise nahi hona...

I: (Mann me) KYA!!! bol raha tha Ankit. (He said I am short tempered! kab se yaar!! Thik hain bola toh bola and to add to it "Paise nahi hona...!!!")
I could not stand by this and said to the policeman... "Paise?? Do... wapas..."

Policeman: Le lo bhai...
(And he did gave it back!!!)
He he he he... I was the happiest man for saving Ankit's money...
While going back from there... I said to Ankit, "Ooye... Aadhe paise idhar de... ;) "
he said, "le le..."
(Waise i didn't take money from Ankit.)

But what is so great in this story? Where is the climax??
Here goes the CLIMAX...
To your surprise, I never had a CAMERA in my cell phone!! Now, can you believe this?? But if you know me well, I have purchased 4-5 mobiles and never had a camera in any of them.
And this also explains the reason why I was not showing the policeman my mobile while acting like I was shooting.
Okay, this procedure was successful on one more occasion with a traffic police. And was unsuccessful some other times policeman saying, "Ja... karle jo karna hain..." ;)

Try it out sometime, (if you don't have anything great to do), if you succeed let me know. Remember, you have to be good at dialog deliveries and facial expressions. Act well. See how I made him ran behind me though I wanted to talk to him... It's important to get your money back!

I have lot many other incidents, but don't want to add to this post. Check out for the next one to know what question you can ask traffic police officers to embarrass them.

From... Gobi's place... Just a part of my RANGEEN life...